the bad vibe epidemic

with all do respect people need to chill the fuck out…and coming from one wound up little betch monkey that means a lot…

it just seems like these days bad vibes are spreading quicker than a nasty case of herpes at a frat party (and for any of my college educated readers out there…or frequent party goers… you know that has potential to be  faster than the speed of light). no work place is safe! everyone is pissed off and they want you to be pissed off because they are pissed off (interesitng logic no?) and they will be especially pissed off if you not only seem not pissed off (you still following?) but if you actually seemed pleased with your work/life situation.

word to the wise…when returning to work after a holiday weekend by no means smile or greet ANYONE. i learned that the hard way. ill be sure to return to work the next time with two of the most powerful middle fingers my small lifeless body can produce and a scowl that would may tyra banks scream FIERCE!. to think i was FOOLISH enough to say goodmorning and offer cruelty free cookies to the staff (okay maybe vegan treats would not be the way to go but it’s the thought that counts…so i thought…). it’s like junior high dances all over again…don’t look happy, don’t looked please…don’t joke and by all means…DON’T SMILE

i suppose deep down i understand where all of these bad vibes stem from. when you work in a hospital with a bunch of women its bound to happen. sure nurses may seem all smiles in front of you the “innocent” patient…however…make no mistake…the moment that nurse leaves your room…the shit talking starts…whether you deserve it or not (but man do you get it hard if you did do something to deserve it)

you see…some people forget that it’s a hopsital…not a family restaraunt and you are not ordering a steak you are receiving and appendectomy. paitent’s forget that they are patient’s…not customers and when you go into that realm of thinking…it’s over. The bitching never stops, the negotiating never stops but most importantly…the bitching never stops

another fascinating similarity between a hospital and a family restaurant is the fact that dirty old men and bitchtastic women seem to flock to both. they are drawn to them….they thrive in both environments and they both seem to perpetually  be up your asshole. if one more dirty old man demands that i help him pee or reminds me for the tenth time in the last 5 minutes that it’s time for his sponge bath as he stands there presenting himself in ways that would make hooker blush so help me gosh i will go apeshit. and if one more prego ego bitches and moans to me about how i can’t do my job because they have been waiting ten minutes for the doctor i will be FORCED! FORCED! to remind them that they are only cranky because they are looking more and more like jabba the hut with each passing gestational week and if i were that huge i guess id be a bitch too.

now don’t get me wrong i know that it isn’t always like this. i know that there are sweet old men out there like your grandpa or your older single neighbor that treats his lawn like michaelangelo’s ceiling art. and i know that there are pregnant women out there who do actually glow when they are pregnant. they are more beautiful at that moment than they have been in the past 5 years and they know and it makes their beauty radiate even more (and the bitchiness happen just that much less) 

however, it only takes one or two grade a pricks to screw it up for the rest of them and perpetuate the bad vibes and make my day at work impossible. and when i look at it that way…i totally understand why the bad vibes spread so quickly.  I too feel the temptation to freak out and shit talk, i also feel the my blood boil the the point of no return when some bitch asks me how hard my job is. I do dry heave every time and old man exposes himself to me and i was A) not expecting it and B) never wanting to see it. 

After all, you are not a customer you are a patient and this is not a medium rare steak…your appendectomy is in fact non negotiable…so suck it and if you exscuse me…i will be shit talking with my co workers in the staff lounge while you enjoy your ice chips and shitty tv

and suddenly bad vibes don’t seem so bad after all…